wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
