We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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