Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
