So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
