dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
