Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it's great music for shaving your balls
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
