the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I didn't notice because vodka
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
