Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
