Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize