I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This toilet bowl is my home.
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