He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
