They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
