so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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