Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
