I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
