I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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