So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The air taste purple.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
