In the future we'll all be gay
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
