This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sober January is a disaster.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
