but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
