Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dicks are not precious.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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