I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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