the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got inside last night via doggy door
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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