Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
