We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
They are going to name an STD after you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why are your pants in the freezer?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize