people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
only you would photoshop your dick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
