I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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