Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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