:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
