u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize