i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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