So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
