i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
