at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
