my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
