i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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