If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
