he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
