Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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