My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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