Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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