True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize