Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
