He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
