I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
