I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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