so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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