The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
