I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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