The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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