So drunk its hurt
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
