Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize