Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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