Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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