oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize