just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
