just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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