You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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