Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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