I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize