oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think my mom watched the whole time
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
