I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just pee around me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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