just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Found the puke drawer
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
