Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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