last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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