you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
