Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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