1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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