i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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