Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
