Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Houston, we have a squirter
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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