Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
