I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
