apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
