I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
