Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
