drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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