At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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