saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
