I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
