when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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