It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
