I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize