I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
