Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
