Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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