Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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