Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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