he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize