You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
