OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
