: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
