She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
