There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The air was thick with penises
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
