i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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