I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
