i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
