I'm really into asian looking animals
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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