he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
