I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
