Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
