I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
