One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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