So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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