And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
