i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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